I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
