I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
