if you like me you must not know who I am
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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