dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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