I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
