my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
