dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
