This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We left the knife in your bed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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