Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
