dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
