Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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