I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
