My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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