the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
