So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
