You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
