Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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