If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
