Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
