Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
