Will you blow on my dice?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
