friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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