took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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