GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
