there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
