Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
