You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
