We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
