just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
