Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
