East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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