Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Quick, to the slutcave!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
