Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
