Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
