take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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