dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I queefed so loud it echoed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
bring money and cleavage
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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