Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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