Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
