Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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