Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
