Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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