I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize