help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
