Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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