The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
foreskin is a definite game changer
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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