is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
