That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
