So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
