This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
