i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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