We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
whose parrot is this?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
