The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
pop tarts are not kleenex
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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