all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
