i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
