I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
