The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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