So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
