i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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