you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
