you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
