i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
