your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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