Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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