why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She has the best kind of daddy issues
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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