Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
