You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
